Chinese Storytelling

"Master, you have not been ashore for two days now, why?"

"It’s windy ashore!"

"Oh, yes, it’s getting wintry. You are doing well in keeping off the wind in this small boat, master!"

"I have no business ashore!"

"Well, today you have!"

"What business?"

"Oh, do you really not know? Or do you only pretend not to know?"

"I really do not know."

"Well, if you really do not know, I’ll tell you: there is someone who has fallen ill!"

"Who has fallen ill?"

"Our great general Zhou Gongjin has fallen ill."

"Really? Has Gongjin fallen ill?"

"Yes, our great general is ill."

"Oh my! Ha, ha, ha, ha …"

‘What a mess! Is he delirious? Damn it, he hasn’t understood a word!’

"Please, Zhuge Liang, this is not proper, somebody has fallen ill and you are laughing! As long as one can still eat the five grains without pretence, one is not in for bad luck, but can one guarantee that one will never suffer from illness all of one’s life?"

"Why would I laugh about your general?"

"Well, if you are not laughing about our general, fine, but then you should not pretend to laugh about him. Why do you actually laugh?"

"My laughter is because I was struck with amazement over myself."

"Oh, master!" - ‘When where you ever struck with amazement over anybody? You are always amazed about yourself.’ - "Why are you amazed this time?"

"Three days ago, I noticed a sign of illness on the face of your general, and I guessed that a serious illness would break out within three days. Today the doctors are giving the message that Gongjin truly is ill. Obviously my eyesight is not lacking."

"That’s a remark of a know-all. I could say so, too: ‘Three years ago I noticed a sign of illness on the face of our general, and guessed that after three years a serious illness would break out’, anybody could say so, couldn’t he? You might have given me, Lu Su, a hint three days ago and said: ‘Your general doesn’t look well in his face, he will get ill in three days’ time’. Since he is actually ill now, I would have been amazed with you."

"If you are not amazed with me, so what! Let me ask you something: How has your general acquired this illness?"

"How he has acquired his illness? I was not present, but his men told me: He was at Nanping Hill to see the troops drilling. When he saw Cao Cao drilling his naval army, a sudden wind blew up, and a corner of his own flag flicked him on his cheek. He tried to pull it away, but who would imagine that he couldn’t get rid of it, try as he may. Suddenly he groaned: ‘Ah!’, began to spit fresh blood, and tumbled to the ground at Nanping Hill. In this way he got ill."

"Have you already asked for the doctors to cure his illness?"

"Yes, I have of course asked for the doctors."

"Whom have you asked for?"

"I have asked four military doctors. But all they have to say is wrong! The words of these four military doctors are simply not worth listening to: something like ‘innate defect’, ‘lost manhood’, ‘indigestion in the abdomen’, ‘suffering from excessive internal heat’, ‘suffering from excessive humidity’. Wrong! Our general has torn all of their prescriptions to pieces."

"Ah, - Sir, you are mistaken!"

"Oh, how come I am mistaken?"

"Your general has aristocratic blood. The military doctors can only cure the trivial diseases of ordinary soldiers, how would they be able to cure your general?"

"You are right, I understand."

"You must find a renowned doctor at Three River Junction to treat him."

"There is no renowned doctor at Three River Junction, and if there were, I would already have invited him."

"What will you do now then?"

"I had no other way out than to send a man to Chaisang to invite a certain gentleman. This gentleman is very famous. Though he is not a national champion in medicine, his treatment always cures the illness."

"When will this doctor from Chaisang arrive in the camp?"

"The doctor from Chaisang, well… My relative is riding a fast horse to Chaisang and the gentleman will not put on airs, he will follow him immediately. They will arrive tomorrow at noon."

"Is there a possibility that he will arrive earlier?"

"Earlier? If he comes earlier, maybe he could be there around ten in the morning."

"Not earlier?"

"No, it is a long journey."

"Alas!"

"Oh, Master, how scaring it is that you break out into this ‘Alas!’"

"Alas!"

"What? Why do you cry out twice ‘Alas!’?"

"The doctor from Chaisang will be late! Tonight in the third watch the bell is tolling for your general."

"Ugh! Do not place a curse on him! I have just come from him, and he had a good colour, his eyes were lively and he spoke clearly. How can you say that tonight in the third watch his life is at stake?"

"Don’t you believe me?"

"I cannot believe you."

"Dear Sir, we have spent quite a few days together. Was there ever a time when I, Zhuge Liang, was wrong in my pronouncements?"

"Master, when you mention this, you scare me so much! Everything you have ever said has been right. Now you say that our general’s life is at stake tonight in the third watch, and that won’t do! Nobody has been able to cure our general’s illness, and on the other shore Cao Cao has a million armed troops, what are we to do about it? As soon as Cao Cao sets his great army in motion, and we on the east side of the Yangzi River have no defence, this will also be inconvenient for your Lord [Liu Bei] and his men. Master, please, please, help me to think of a way out!"

"Since the doctor from Chaisang will not be able to arrive in time, why don’t you find a well esteemed doctor in Three River Junction?"

"If there were a well esteemed doctor in Three River Junction, I would call for him, but there isn’t! Most people in this area are poor, the rich have moved away. A well-esteemed doctor couldn’t hold his ground here. Only the rich ask for the doctor, when the poor fall ill, they must go through it. There is no doctor."

"There surely is!"

"No possibility!"

"There must be!"

"Not necessarily!"

"Pardon?"

"Well, I am from the region east of the Yangzi River, shouldn’t I know better than you?"

"Please, think it over again, there must be one."

‘What a nuisance! I tell him there is none, and he insists that there is!’

"Oh, now I see! You certainly have a friend in mind who practices medicine on his own, don’t you, Master?"

"You have guessed it, Sir. I, Zhuge Liang, do have a friend who practices medicine."

"Wonderful! Since he is a friend of yours, though he is not a national champion in medicine, his treatment surely will cure the illness. Good! May I ask you the honourable name and residence of your distinguished friend? I, Lu Su, will send a messenger to invite him over to cure the illness of our general."

"Please, don’t!"

"Please, don’t?! Oh, he is a man of high position! What about this way, then? I do not send my men, but I, Lu Su, a high official and military counsellor from the region east of the Yangzi River, will personally call at his home. When I call on him in his residence, I do indeed offer him a lot of face, and he will surely come with me, won’t he?"

"My goodness, my goodness! Such a great official and military counsellor! But though the position of my friend is high, he is still not likely to come."

"Oh, he will still not come? What about this way, then? He practices medicine and all he wants is money. I shall bring a large sum of gold and silver, and then he will come, I suppose?"

"This friend of mine is prepared to help the world, he is not concerned about money. If you try to persuade him with money, you are treating him like a profit-monger!"

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